


The Past, she is haunted, the Future is laced

by orphan_account



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, F/M, Gen, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:54:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23257990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The transformer blows at a White House party. Unfortunately for Josh, that translates directly to gunshots in his head.
Relationships: Josh Lyman/Donna Moss, pre - Relationship
Comments: 2
Kudos: 122





	The Past, she is haunted, the Future is laced

**Author's Note:**

> Hey you guys! I hope everyone is staying safe. I have a lot of time on my hands due to not being able to leave my house, and a desperate need to escape reality for a bit, so expect some more fics coming your way soon!

Josh had been feeling pleasantly buzzed, a glass of champagne nestled comfortably in his hand as he ribbed Sam over his latest failed date. There was a big band playing, not quite loud enough to cover the laughs over the hundreds of people swaying to the music, but enough to cover the first large crack that went through the crowd. 

It wasn’t enough to cover the second. 

One moment, Josh was snorting into his glass and Sam was desperately trying to get him to ease up, the next, the lights were out, another sound whipped above his head, and Josh hit the floor. 

The band had died out, but Josh still heard it, the music, the sirens, the-

The lights came back on. The crowd, having fallen into a worried hush for the few seconds, cheered, and the band resumed playing. One of the event coordinators tapped on the mike to cheerfully inform everyone that a transformer had given out, but the generators had already kicked in and that it would be taken care of, and please enjoy the rest of the evening. 

Josh heard it, what she was saying, go through his ears. But he also was pretty sure he was laying against rough concrete somewhere in Virginia and that searing pain was making it really hard to breathe- oh god, breathe- 

Sam got directly in front of him, his body blocking out the rest of the party.

“Josh,” he said urgently. “Josh, can you hear me?” 

Josh could only nod, tight-lipped. Every goddamn muscle was tense; he was floating somewhere off the ground. He squeezed his eyes shut. It was too loud. 

“Sam? What’s going on?” CJ’s voice broke through the noise.

“I don’t know- he hit the ground when the transformer blew out and now he’s-“ 

“Get him out. I’m paging Donna. Get him out, now-“ 

“Yeah-“

There were hands under his arms, hauling him up. Josh couldn’t open his eyes.

There was blood pooling at his feet. He couldn’t look. 

The noise of the party died down and when he forced his eyes open he was in CJ’s office, with CJ kneeling in front of him in an evening gown and Sam looking through her fridge.

“Hiya, Josh,” CJ had a hand on his. “Can you hear me?” 

“Yeah,” he croaked out. His head hurt. CJ had left music playing on the radio, and it was bouncing off his skull. 

“What happened-“ 

“Josh?” Donna appeared in the doorway, eyes wide and frightened, clutching a purse with white-knuckled intensity.

“Donna,” was all he could manage. 

Sam came over with a bottle of water, and Donna immediately knelt in front of him and began rummaging through her purse.

“Josh, can you tell me where you are, right now?” She asked.

“CJ’s office.” 

“And what day is it?” 

“Saturday.” 

“Okay. What’s going on?” 

“I..”

He just couldn’t breathe. He was so hot, and he couldn’t breathe. He pulled his hands from CJ and covered his eyes. Breathe. Breathe, breathe, breathe. 

“Guys, give him a little space,” he heard Donna say distantly. 

And then someone was tugging his hands from his face and putting one over a heart, beating resolutely under his palm.

He cracked his eyes open.  
It was Donna, holding his hand to her heart. 

“Breathe,” she said softly. “I’m right here. You’re in the West Wing, in CJ’s office. You’re safe.”

Her heart was steady and strong and she breathed slowly and intentionally and after a few minutes Josh felt less like he was going to have a direct heart attack. He cleared his throat.

“Do you- do you have my-“ 

“Of course I do.” Donna pulled out a pill bottle from her purse and shook out a pill for him. 

He swallowed it with the water Sam got him, and realized for the first time, that Sam and CJ were still here, hanging back by CJ’s desk and looking desperately uncomfortable.

“I’m fine.” Josh directed at them. “See? I know the day of the week and everything.” He tried to grin, but CJ apparently didn’t find it so funny.

“What was that?” She demanded, striding over to stand in front of him.

“A flashback.” Donna answered. She stood up, giving Josh’s hand one final squeeze before letting go completely. Josh realized she was wearing a stunning blue dress. “He’s gotten them a lot recently.” 

“I could have told them myself.” Josh said indignantly, as the pill kicked in and he felt significantly less likely to die. 

“Yeah, but you’ve got a real hard head and I don’t think you would have.” Donna retorted. 

“So, you get flashbacks from what? What triggers them?” Sam asked.

Josh shrugged and took another sip of water. 

“It used to be music. Anything Yo Yo Ma was playing at that Christmas party a few years back. Ave Maria. I guess it can also be transformers snapping, though who knows why-“ 

“Gunshots.” Donna said. She sat on the edge of the couch, right next to him. Jesus, she smelled good. “I heard it, it was gunshots.”

“Oh,” Josh said, a little dumbly. He probably should have put those two together.

“So you felt like you were back at-“ Sam asked.

“-Rosslyn, yeah.” Josh said. “Like I was getting shot at.”

“Oh.”

They sat in silence for a minute, Josh coming down from the vestiges of an adrenaline high, Sam and CJ clearly trying to digest this new information. 

“You know,” Josh said, after a while had passed and they still looked shellshocked. “You guys can go on back to the party. I’m okay, now.” 

“You sure? Are you gonna come back?” CJ said skeptically. 

“Yeah, just give me a couple minutes to produce a good alibi for my very manly freakout.” 

“Okay,” Sam said. “Take your time.”

They left, and when CJ closed the door behind them, Donna got up and sat down next to him on the couch. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and he let himself just sit there for a while. 

“You have to be more proactive about this stuff,” Donna’s tone was watery, and when Josh finally, reluctantly, pulled himself away from her, he saw red rimming her eyes.

“Why are you crying?” He demanded, pulling a tissue from his pocket and handing it to her. “I’m the one who thought I was dying on a sidewalk again!” 

The weak joke had the opposite effect and Donna fully burst into tears. 

“Donna!” 

Josh wrapped her back into a hug, and she shook against him for a while. 

“You can’t say stuff like that, Josh! You can’t! That transformer popped and my first thought was you, that you were scared-“ 

“You think I’m that much of a wuss- OW!” She hit him in the shoulder.

“Shut up! You need to start carrying some of these pills, and I _know_ you skipped your appointment last week-“ 

“I was busy- ow,” 

“Shut! Up! You make time for those appointments, Joshua Lyman, or I’m going to have Leo tail you to make sure you go, I’m serious.” 

She crossed her arms and glared at him. Her mascara was running and the dim light of CJ’s lamp cast her face into half shadow, puffy and red. Josh had no doubt she was serious.

“Ok.” He said softly.

“Josh, I mean it, you really need to make this a priority or- did you say ok?” 

“Yeah. You’re right.” 

“Oh.” Donna stared at him, open-mouthed. “I was really expecting you to put up more of a fight.” 

“What can I say, I’m a complex man with many layers to me. You’ll never be able to fully figure me out, Donnatella.” 

She laughed and dabbed at her eyes with the tissue. She leaned her head against his shoulder. 

“Are you feeling better?” She asked. In her mouth, the question was never patronizing or irritating or full of ulterior motive. It was just what it was, at face value. 

“Yeah. A lot better.” 

“Good.” 

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Josh stared out CJ’s blinds at the moon light, and had a thought. 

“Hey, I don’t really wanna go back to the party just yet.” He said.

“You wanna head home? I can call you a cab-“ 

She picked her head off his shoulder and he immediately missed it.

“Nah.” He said. “Wanna go raid the mess? I make a mean cup of chamomile tea, and unless Charlie and Zoey have beaten us there, there might be some muffins left.” 

Donna gave him a watery smile. 

“Sounds perfect.” 

  
  



End file.
